Separated and blended families are pretty common in Australia, and can take on very different forms.
Separated families
This is when the parents have split up, separating their one family home into two family homes. The children may spend regular time at each home, and the way this works depends on the family. Sometimes a “week on, week off” arrangement is best, or a 60/40 split (six days with one parent, four with the other). Other children prefer to have one primary carer and visit the other parent on weekends and school holidays. This works particularly well if there is a bit of distance between the two homes. Sometimes the children may split up, where each child chooses differently which parent’s home they’d prefer to spend most of their time at.
It really depends on finding an arrangement that works for all the parties involved. Often this involves compromise on the part of one or more people. For example, one parent might feel like they don’t get enough time with their children. Or perhaps the children feel very unsettled by the whole arrangement, and need some transition time. A certain amount of compromise helps everyone involved to get at least a little win.
Blended families
A blended family happens when one of the parents re-partners with someone else who has children. This can involve even more change and rearranging. The two partners now need to work out a new family system that involves all of their respective children, as well as the other parents of their children. Children whose parents find a new partner still need time to maintain relationships with their other parent.
If all of this sounds complicated, well, that’s because it is. Making separated and blended family systems work does take quite a bit of effort.
A child-centred focus
Of course the most important thing to keep in mind, the thing we should always have as the highest priority, is the needs of the children. Children are often powerless in these situations, fearful of what it all might mean for them, and confused about the changing relationships within their family structure. At these times the most basic emotional needs of the children are the most important, as this is what gives them the resilience to cope with everything. Therefore, all decisions made should ideally have the needs of the children as the most important factor.
Below are a few articles on some specific topics related to separated and blended families. These may provide a bit of help in these areas.
Further reading
Introducing your children to a new partner
Parenting with your ex-partner
