Fears and a certain level of anxiety in children is quite normal, at any time in a child’s life. Certain fears are common at certain ages, such as fear of the dark. Sometimes a certain event can trigger fear or anxiety, such as a robbery or an accident. However if anxiety begins to interfere with a child’s life, then you might need extra support. Most fears and anxieties can be overcome with a bit of help.
How anxiety develops
Children can learn fear and anxiety from adults. For example, they may watch their parent being anxious to get in an elevator, and then they become anxious too. This is called vicarious learning. Children can learn fear from friends at school, movies and TV.
Children can also learn fear and anxiety from direct experience. This can include negative social situations, failure, criticism, violence, or threat of physical harm. Direct harm does not need to have actually happened for a child to fear it; being threatened can be enough.
What anxiety in children looks like
Anxiety can present in many ways in children. It may look something like this:
- Getting very upset when being separated from their parents — clinging, crying, or tantrums.
- Being very shy around other people, and avoiding social situations.
- Seeming worried all the time.
- Avoiding certain situations, objects or places due to fear.
- Frequent tummy-aches or headaches.
- Experiencing a sudden, severe need to escape a situation (i.e. a panic attack).
What you can do
- Listen to your child to find out where their anxiety is coming from. Show them you understand how they feel. Give them permission to express their feelings.
- Reassure them by telling them the truth. Tell them that there are steps to take that can help them be safe. Be clear, though, that it is not possible to promise their safety.
- Ask your child what would make them feel more safe in certain situations. Get them involved in coming up with planning, and strategies that might help.
- Have routines and rituals. When things are predictable, children feel more secure. Have as few changes as possible in their lives, especially after any major life events or traumas.
- Teach them solutions and skills to cope. For example, deep breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation, or visualisations.
- Give them some control over their environment. For example, they can put on a night light whenever they feel scared of the dark.
- Show them that you believe that they can cope with their anxiety and fears. Keep a positive attitude about them overcoming the fear.
- Praise them when they do manage challenging situations well, even if they managed only for a second. Managing even for a second is really good work when you’re feeling very anxious!
- Talk to other parents about children’s fears and anxieties. Share ideas.
For more information, take a look at our page on anxiety in general, or the external website raisingchildren.net.au
When you might seek help
If your child’s fear or anxiety is having an impact on their functioning, or on the family, it may be time to seek professional advice and support.
You can access the Anglicare SQ Family Support Service (Brisbane), the EPC (Inala) or OKC (Riverview) if you think you would benefit from some parenting counselling or support. We also provide children’s counselling services at most of our locations.
